Anything is possible in the Dark.
The Night is a robe of possibilities
A Cinderella until daylight
Sweet susurrus secrets are heard through the tacit night air.
Their thoughts focus on the future,
The past is only a distant memory,
And the present is forever.
Gravel rocks dig into their bare feet as they oblige the will of the night.
The insanity of the moment glares back at them.
Sirens wail a warning and hushed voices speak in fearful frankness.
Anticipation mounts as a daring pressure implores them to continue
their gravity defying stunt, protected by the cloak of darkness.
They jump senselessly, compelled by some higher power.
They fall fifty feet in a single second,
Yet it feels like four years
Four years of waiting and preparing
The wind rushes by like cars,
Sirens sound for untold emergencies.
Smack!
The water is like a hail storm all around them.
Bruises appear weeks later as vengeance for the stupidity of a moment
They chorus at that same susurrus level that it was worth it
The hushed whispers rise in a calming relief
Filled with a burning desire for what is next
The Future.
okay I know I'm not a poet. I had to write this for a Senior essay after reading it again I thought 'it's not that bad'. I'd love to hear any suggestions on it and anyway I can improve. I'd love to become a better poet.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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The last line is way too long in this stanza. And next time, I'd work for more of a rhythm - it's possible to have freelance rhythm, and it is what feeds poetry. It was here sometimes, but was scattered and broken a lot.
Yeah...I had to use literary techniques for class and that's an alliteration so I went for it. Otherwise I'd have never written it like that.
- it's an onomatopoeia that's why its there.and by the way I
I really enjoyed this. My only advice is to not over-write it at points. "Sweet susurrus secrets are heard through the tacit night air" comes to mind.
I definitely felt the intensity of the moment, but...didn't get what the poem was about. Normally, a message in a poem speaks through the words, but in this poem it didn't. It was almost like a bunch of powerful sentences thrown together. Unfortunately, the poem didn't flow very well, but overall I believe if it's worked on a little, it could turn into a great poem!